7 weeks

7 weeks! 7 weeks ago today, my son Mark lay dead in our upstairs for 8 to 10 hours. Alone. Where was I? Not here. Not with my Mark. My youngest child, my Mark, was dead from an overdose - overdose? Come on! Pure fentanyl! Murder! For people who have no idea or no desire to want to know about the disease of addiction, this is not for you. Substance abuse disorder is what it is now called.

We watched Mark struggle. We saw when he was using, we saw when he was clean. He needed help. He got it. As long as he was on our insurance. Sorry kid, you're on your own now! Off parents insurance after 26. Mark got his own insurance and he was fine for a while for getting suboxen. He went to inside treatment, outside treatment. At the time of treatment he couldn't work. Lost job. No insurance. No suboxen. It was working. He tried Kratom, herbs, anything to help him not go through withdrawal again. He went through withdrawal twice. Very painful.

 June 1st, 2019, Mark was sick. Desperate. Begged for heroin. Without his knowledge, he got fentanyl - died. He did not want this. What saves me is that I know he knew and loved his Lord Jesus Christ. He suffers no more. Me? Yes, I am bitter. Me? Yes I want justice. This doesn't mean I hate. There's no room in my heart for hatred because Jesus is there first. But what was done to my son was nothing but murder. Most just don't understand. The ones who have lost a child from substance abuse disorder do understand. We must stand tall for these indiviuals who have this disorder. The stigma of addiction must be stopped. These individuals need help, not judgement.

Writing about Mark is the only way we can live with this. His smile - his wonderful, giving nature cannot be forgotten. He was a good man!

It is not your fault!

It is not your fault!

"If only we had been home!" "If only I had not invited you!" "If only we had been watching more - paying more attention!" If only - if only - if only. 


The nature of the disease is such that a person with a substance abuse disorder loses all self-control and will power when it comes to 'using'. Abstinence is no guarantee of never 'using' again, nor of wanting to 'use'.

Triggering guilt in the ill person will have no effect, except to help them feel more worthless than they already may, and may never help loved ones feel as though they are really helping , except to make themselves feel more guilty, or unsuccessful. A paradoxical effect, isn't it?

'Using' is troublesome enough as it is, and devastating to the person with the disease, and to their family. Should someone overdose, or even die from an overdose, the guilt and blame is compounded, with interest. If only ... these questions and musings never seem to end, and become amplified with grief and sadness, while 'It is not your fault.' never seems to enter thoughts until it is all too often too late, and guilt settles in for the stay, like an unwelcome guest who will not go away.

It is not your fault. If fault were to be found, if fault could be found, it might be found with a culture and society that is so dependent on a 'pill' to cure our ills, ease our pain; ones that are so addictive they are deadly. Holistic medicine would point us in the direction of natural cures, ones that are not so deadly. Yet this is only one facet of the problem, and may never change until there is a change in our cultural view of medicine. If fault could be found, it may be found in those so willing to sell these poisons only to make money, without care for a person's life - evil beyond imagining.

Parents, families, friends, and loved ones may never stop asking the question - if only. And if only the answers would come, there possibly could be peace. We are still waiting.

Time passing

Isn't it strange how we note the passing of time?

We count the days, weeks, months, years; sometimes even the seconds, minutes, hours of our pain and grief.

Time passes so slowly, yet also so quickly. Grief overwhelms us in the early morning hours, or late at night in the dark.

Isn't it strange how we note the passing of time?

A friend of ours has noted it could be at least three years, or more, to learn to manage the grief we experience. The passing of anniversaries - birthdays, holidays, special days - will be ours to experience without our loved one, and we hopefully will adapt to this grief and anguish without breaking down into tears at the mention of
their name, and the passing of the years missing their presence.

How long has it been? We would venture to say that someone, sometime, sometime will count the time no more as we do now, but only remark in passing by - here lies a good man!

How long ...

How long has it been?

Anguished screams and agonizing cries echo and reverberate inside the halls of our mind, seeking an outlet, and asking questions for which there are no answers.

How long has it been?

Diversions offer a partial escape, but only for a little while. The cries and screams reappear, demanding an answer. But none will come. New questions come to light, and old questions burn and burn.
What-ifs and could-have-beens
consume whatever motivation exists.

How long has it been?

The pain is often too much to bear. The cries and screams
can not, will not erase it, cover it up. The pain brings us
to our knees, and empties our hearts. It drains us dry. Too
many questions, not enough answers.

How long has it been?

Anger, and Shame

Our son, Mark, died unexpectedly on Saturday, June 1, 2019 from a drug overdose.







As Leigh and I have walked along this horrible journey, we have been surprised, and maybe a little dismayed, a lot if the truth is told, that so many parents have a sense of shame their child has a substance abuse disorder, and maybe maybe even has died from an overdose.

This leads us to ask why this sense of shame? Where does it come from? Do we feel ashamed if someone has cancer, or dies in an accident? No, we do not. Does this shame have its source in a prideful heart? Not in my family, one might say. Yes, even in your family.

Leigh and I were never ashamed of Mark. We were always so proud of him, and how he tried to keep his recovery, care for himself, and those he loved, and even in death he is helping others along on the path of recovery. Perhaps that is a good indication of a life well lived.

Leigh and I are angry at a health care system which does not consider not only the person with a substance abuse disorder, but also the whole family - parents, sisters, brothers, and children. This disease does not only affect the person who has it - this disease affects the entire family.

As Leigh and I helped Mark with his recovery from addiction, there was no help for us - not from the medical community, treatment community, or judicial community. We were on our own for the longest time. This may help to explain our attitude.

A change is needed. Family therapy should be part of the treatment regimen for substance abuse disorders.

It will be a long, long time before any of this anger subsides. We say again, we were never ashamed. We only wanted to help him save his life.

Toxicology and Forensics

This post has gone out in a letter to government officials.






Our son, Mark David Kinsey, died unexpectedly on Saturday, June 1, 2019 from a lethal drug overdose. We mourn his loss and have seen the grief and devastation his death has caused to us, his parents, the entire family, friends, first responders, and the entire community.

Our funeral director, Scott Schmidt, and our District Attorney, Joseph Cardone, have informed us that it will take six to nine months for the toxicology report on our son, Mark. Both men told us there are not enough resources for toxicology and forensics.

Is this the reason why there is a backlog of criminal cases in the court system? Would the state, or any level of government, accept a six to nine month delay in paying taxes of any kind? Obviously not, and yet a six to nine month delay is acceptable for toxicology and forensics reports? Is this why criminal prosecution of drug cases takes so long? Ridiculous is the only word for this!

It is possible to spend Billions on a bridge in NYC, and Billions on other foolishness, like foreign aid to countries which hate us, but not enough resources for forensics and toxicology? Again, ridiculous is the only word for this.

It is time to allocate resources for an important part of the justice system, to help victims and their families obtain answers. Allocate more money to forensics and toxicology.

We hold you responsible for Mark’s tragic death.

Sincerely yours,




Charles and Leigh Kinsey

CC:  President Trump, Vice President Pence, Senator Schumer, Senator Gillibrand, Representative Collins, Governor Cuomo, State Senator Ortt, NY State Assemblyman Hawley, Orleans County Legislature