Anger, and Shame

Our son, Mark, died unexpectedly on Saturday, June 1, 2019 from a drug overdose.







As Leigh and I have walked along this horrible journey, we have been surprised, and maybe a little dismayed, a lot if the truth is told, that so many parents have a sense of shame their child has a substance abuse disorder, and maybe maybe even has died from an overdose.

This leads us to ask why this sense of shame? Where does it come from? Do we feel ashamed if someone has cancer, or dies in an accident? No, we do not. Does this shame have its source in a prideful heart? Not in my family, one might say. Yes, even in your family.

Leigh and I were never ashamed of Mark. We were always so proud of him, and how he tried to keep his recovery, care for himself, and those he loved, and even in death he is helping others along on the path of recovery. Perhaps that is a good indication of a life well lived.

Leigh and I are angry at a health care system which does not consider not only the person with a substance abuse disorder, but also the whole family - parents, sisters, brothers, and children. This disease does not only affect the person who has it - this disease affects the entire family.

As Leigh and I helped Mark with his recovery from addiction, there was no help for us - not from the medical community, treatment community, or judicial community. We were on our own for the longest time. This may help to explain our attitude.

A change is needed. Family therapy should be part of the treatment regimen for substance abuse disorders.

It will be a long, long time before any of this anger subsides. We say again, we were never ashamed. We only wanted to help him save his life.