A Siblings grief - Charlie

Four months have gone by since my youngest brother Mark passed away from a drug overdose.  Every day has had its challenges.  Joy has been tempered by pain, beautiful mornings sometimes ruined with memories of death, and a constant reminder that a part of me is missing.  Still, life does go on…but it’s different now.  I take comfort in the knowledge that Mark is no longer suffering, he is with Jesus, and that I will walk and talk with him again someday.  I selfishly wish that he was still here so that our family didn’t have to go through this, while at the same time I rejoice for the end of his journey.

June 1, 2019 is a day that I will remember for the rest of my life.  My wife and I along with our children all went to June fest for a morning of fun.  We shopped at the local vendors, talked with friends as we passed by, and the kids played games.  My youngest daughter Emma unfortunately won a goldfish…it was a pretty good morning.  My wife’s family came over to visit in the afternoon and we all had a good time.  In the late evening I saw my cellphone buzzing on the counter and I almost didn’t answer it because I didn’t recognize the number.  It was Mark’s girlfriend and she had just returned to my Mom and Dad’s house from work where she found Mark dead.  I could barely understand her as she tried to tell me that she thought Mark was dead and I told her to call 911 and that I would be right over.  My father in law and brother in law went with me to my parents’ house where I met her in the front yard.  She was inconsolable and hyperventilating.  The ambulance and police were already there.  I finally got her to go inside and sit at the kitchen table with my father in law where he spent the next hour talking with her and calming her down.

After she went inside, I confirmed with the emergency responders that Mark was dead.  He had died earlier that morning.  By then my Uncle Tom, and cousins Dan and Aaron were in the front yard too.   I then started the agonizing process of calling my parents and siblings to let them know the news.  I will always remember the sounds that they all made as I called them to let them know what had happened, clutching my own chest to remain calm, and the pained expression on the faces of many of the emergency responders as I made each call.  Many of them knew my parents well and there was a lot of love being shown that night.  After this came the interview with the sheriff’s office and the identification with the coroner. By this time my brothers were with me.   My brother Mike brought Mark’s girlfriend home and my brother Tom helped with the interview with the Sheriff.  I was thankful that I was surrounded by so much love that night.  After I identified Mark for the coroner the funeral director arrived, and they carefully and professionally brought Mark out of the house and drove him away.  These are the last memories that I have of Mark, but they are not the ones that I will keep close to my heart.

I remember when my parents told me they were having another baby, and I remember the day they brought Mark home when he was born. As he grew, we quickly found out that he was a bundle of energy, filled with joy, with the biggest smile I had ever seen.  His smile and compassion for others are the characteristics that will always define Mark for me.

 Over the last four months I have spent a lot of time in prayer, in self- reflection, and a lot of time thinking about the impact he had here on Earth.  At the end of the day, when all is said and done, it is our impact on people around us both known and unknown that will define us.  Mark was in pain, for many different reasons but always gave of himself to others, and at the end of his day he was my brother that loved his family and loved his God.  The outpouring of emotion and gratitude for Mark from so many people at his funeral and during the months that have followed is amazing.  Even though he was suffering, even though he was in pain, he was still able to have such a profound impact on others...It’s amazing… and it's powerful.